A Letter to Maybel

The Nicolas

Dear Maybel,

This is one moment that our family would somehow feel nostalgia.

The day has come for you to say goodbye. For our part, you have become close and dear to us, and at the very most, we have considered you as a member of the family, a part of our life. 

But then, people come and go as they say; and we could not really hold on to people, even how close they have been to our hearts—what is important rather, is to let go and wish the best for that person, no matter how hard it is to say goodbye.

Monching was barely months old when you came to the family. We were happy, excited, and felt eased. It was easy to get along with you and you cared for us, especially Monching. We always told you then that you’ll be a part of our family. We treated you as nice as we could, knowing that you’ll be caring for our family too, in return. 

We even enjoyed the very first meal you cooked and how you narrate stories about the place you came from during our brief talks. You said that life in Tineg- a part of the Cordillera, is as harsh as its terrains, the coldness is unforgiving during the coldest months, and the wind and rain washing away your tucked roof when the weather is not so friendly. We wondered how you survived despite of meagreness of life, which you always told...then on, we believed that you had a big heart with a big dream.

There were beautiful memories developed that paved a close relationship between you and our family and they will be cherished forever. Even if we lived a simple life, we tried our best to give you comfort for we knew how it felt to be away from your own family. There were times when we saw you crying and lonely, but then, we made sure that you’ll feel better later on. Your smile would be our joy because we always wanted you to be happy.

Now that you are leaving, you might not see us as emotional as you might be expecting, but deep in our hearts, we will surely miss you. We hope you’ll cherish all the days you were with us and not to forget the pieces of advice we imparted on you. You know how hard life is. And all the things we have showed you may have somehow inspired you as you go along. When you’ll have your own family, you’ll understand more life...it’s all about being happy and contented for what you have.

Thank you for the love and care you gave to our family. Thank you for treating Monching like your own little brother. Thank you for being a nice sister to your Ate She. Thank you for sharing your stories that inspired me more than you know. Thank you for the good times. 

Wherever you go, remember that once in your life, we have become a part of you.

Thank you and God bless you always.

Sincerely,

Kuya Anton, Ate She, and Monching

6 November 2010

Round three... (The Final Saga) Fight!

OBLIVION. A day in Law school is like years of oblivion.

Sky, Heaven, and Earth. The writer with his family in one of their weekend family treats. Breakfast by the South China Sea, 2011.

 

It’s been two years now since I took up law school. Likewise, it’s been two years that I have mingled with fellows who were pursuing the legal profession- all of us came from various walks of life. It’s a fusion of profession, attitude, wit, personality and the like.

Being one of them and belonging to the pioneer class was another chapter of life which has become an attribution to my existence as a person. Two years after, I have never imagined that I would be influenced, inspired, and challenged by various thinkers. They were all tough as adobe, brute as Chernobyl, and as alarming as Fukushima.

                                                                                                 

Being the keen observer as I am, I have kept all those remarkable moments- school activities in general, the lectures, recitations, exams, and all of those faces and actions that no one could ever imagine I can take notice of. A trace of those memories of two long years in the “school of exact science” was freshly preserved in my chambers. In fact, some had been published on my previous notes (Round one...Fight! and Round two...Fight!). All of them, worthy to be kept and cherished forever.

While it is easy to say that we were called in these career with “personal conviction” (my choice of word when one of my Professors asked the reason why I took up law), for some, they had yielded to other reasons I cannot exactly recollect. However, there was one noteworthy to quote during the first year when a late enrolee, who happened to be in the field of medicine, was among us. When asked what her purpose was, she blatantly said, “I want to be a doctor- lawyer”. For me, the answer made no sense. It was just like, “hey, I want an Oreo, so I have to get one”. I also noted another as saying “my annulment case is on the process and I felt the urge of getting to know more about the law”. Again, the answer was suffocating in the nerves.

In my first year, I get to know my classmates in a very short length of time. Though I was aloof like anyone does, some have become brave enough and approached this not so tall, dark, and awesome man (according to my friend Ernest) that I am. In return, I always managed to oblige with a big smile while introducing my nick to whoever was brave enough to draw near on me. The feeling was great. It was all that thinking of “these boys and girls will be my opponents in four to five years” at least, in court, which made me feel thrilled. In three months or barely half the first semester, all the names have been memorized by heart, identified who’s single or married, the places where they came from, and their pre- law degrees. All of us have our own weapons to fire shot on each other, in due time, I thought.

Then there was fervent eagerness to meet my professors. Questions like, “what was their pre-law degree?” or “what law school did they attend?” were the first issues that came across my mind. I was expecting though that they were taught locally or perhaps those that were produced by the “Maroon University”. However, it did not matter at all if they were. Most importantly, I thought, they should at least be real lawyers, otherwise everything would be put into waste. Finally, doubts were flushed when I learned that my professors were actually “big shots” and them as products of well known law schools in the country. Then on, big dreams came underway.

Civil law was tough, nonetheless the most interesting bar subject, I suppose. Simply because it was easy to understand human relations and all of those family matters especially to a married individual like me. On one hand, came also the day of my first encounter of the Revised Penal Code and those rules and requisites that governs and qualifies a crime. The subject matter was a bit disgusting at first. Of course, you get to know the stages of a commission of a crime up to all of those things one cannot imagine is punishable under the law.

What came next were sleepless nights with the devilish red hard bound books and swelling arms due to goblin of cases to digest and write. If I remember it right, Criminal Law and Legal and Judicial Ethics were the most devastating subject to have to most numbers of cases to read and digest. At the very least, my handwriting had a bit of improvement and I have also developed a fondness to ponente Justices in the like of Makasiar, Bengzon, and Laurel in their dissents or concurring opinions to a certain case.

A year came to pass and I have developed admiration to some classmates whom I shared my tales in the college, my life as a family man, and the not so prodigy that I am, though some had these praises I succumbed to in order to show respect in them. At times, we could get some booze in our hands and enjoy an hour or two. All of those boozing hours, however, exceptionally took place with respect, humiliation, and professionalism with all those petty and consequential discussions under the sun me and my delectable classmates had. With mortification and immense respect to my contemporaries in school, their diverse personalities have become my inner school of learning. For my part, there can be no Law subject or any tougher lesson to learn than knowing a man’s personality.

Speaking of classmates, each had different stories to narrate each time we had this “gobble- nibble” merging anytime soon when major exams were commenced or soon as we felt like we needed some malt or alcohol in our veins and exhausted nerves. I was glad that most of them were conversationalist, at their own rights, however few had fit in to the “intellectual intercourse” I am used to.

Simply put, each of my mates was defined by their way of talking and how they react on matters which affect our persona as an individual. Each was good speakers and reactors though, but few were called to be integrated with the so- called “circle of wellness” due to failure in manner and restraint. Not being so judgmental, but I was lucky to find out that many of them had become the offspring that they are in their twenty’s, thirty’s, and even forty’s anytime soon they were caught in the middle of a situation, I may say, had been hard for them to handle.

 In scheduling a simple orientation for the school alone, or setting up a common time for a meeting, complications had always rose up to the extent of almost blowing a whistle which a dumb being could not even hear it, not mentioning the classic issue of rescheduling of exams (with or without classmates knowledge) and of disrespecting the greater number of the majority. Imagine, one can move a scheduled and agreed date of exam simply because of personal reason which makes no sense. None sense, illogical, and gross mind-set at its best which is too good to be cursed. And if I could only put matters in my fists, I would sickly launch my knocking powers just as Manny did in many of his million dollars worth fights.

Ah, it was not the type of environment that I was exposed to, but if this is the way I should learn the trade, I said, I should cope up with it, at least. Nonetheless, I choose to be one of them, be a part of the club until such time maybe when my nose bleeds in understanding these cynical and warring heads I thought at first would give me the damn ammunition I’d fire first before a numskull prosecutor would do. To recapitulate, I bought my first fountain pen hoping that it would fit into the glowing perquisite. The marks, however was catastrophic as those that were written by Mark Twain. Bloody and vague, ambiguous and sickly sweet!

In truth, throughout my thirty one years of existence, I have never come across to someone whose wit was like Tarzan who does this alarming “ah-ah-ah-whoooooaaaaah!” first before making a move to capsize his opponent. In school there were numbers of Tarzans who were bubbly enough that they don’t mind respecting the silence of others or the opinion of the “marginal members of the class”. They could have used of being as such perhaps, however, they too, could have missed the point that them, being in a different environment, at least in school, should make necessary adjustments from the point of their previous undertakings. If they only knew, sans their melodramatic attitude, even an abnormal person as Ivan would take notice of them with his trademark whistle of lust and envy.

While it’s true that having the capability to talk is a plus in pursuing the legal profession, it is also sad but true that the knack has become the crowning glory for the egocentric and mischievous ones. Let’s say, not because one is religiously- scholarly taught, or crowned beauty queen or self- proclaimed genius, or maybe one feels like he or she has the ascendancy to talk would entitle the same to dominate everyone. Otherwise, we must be comparable to the race of putting one’s kingdom in the medieval times anytime we want. That hurts. But see, in Civil Law, I was taught during one the pep talks inside the class to “never speculate, it would only hurt you.” Okay, I need to shift from doldrums now before I would catch my keyboard typing a Christian name (smiley).

Going third year this coming semester, I am but all ready to go through again in the oblivion of my chosen career and on with the battles ahead. I may not be earning as well what many of my mates call “toppings” but I am sure I would have my own share of bite at the end of the day. On my own conclusion and in my personal judgment, nothing constantly comes to pass wholly by mistake or by an overnight twist of chance. I say this, because I have been a prey of morbid tongues and unforgiving verdict by others- in and outside school. However it may be, all of which did not make any divergence. Law school is a training ground for a folk who wants to earn honourable and intellectual ascendancy- both are hard earned, not by a blunder or twirl of possibility.

There were so many things I wish I could narrate during my two- year journey into the law profession. However, I would rather choose to have those kept for my solace so that when the right time comes, I would have more great stories to tell and memories to remember. So that when those memories are recollected, I should be a prouder man sitting on a Narra chair and Molave table with my honourable name impressed on a marble. Yes, I have become a fantasist since the day I enrolled in the law school and up to now I never cease to being as such. Those dreams are fuel to my combustion to keep me going so that even in times of wrath and unforgiving moments, I am hardly pushed by my conviction of obtaining that coveted roll number.

Soon after, I was immunized by a thousand and one pains and challenges brought in my life in the School of Law, however, never did I succumb, never was I put on my knees, and never was I pinned down. You bet, I won by TKO.

Round two... (The Saga Continues) Fight!

It’s 2011. Gone were the days when we were all scatter-brained or too much serious to our personal charges- family, studies, work, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends etc. However it may be, we all have our own stories to narrate. For my part, I have spent unencumbered silence to highlight the past year. Here's a personal review for 2010.

To begin with, the first and second trimester of 2010 was not so friendly to me. JANUARY has, for me, become a painful sanctuary or a repository of a dreadful December of 2009. That month, I decided to leave my job without any reserves on deck.  In short, I have become a full time husband and a father to my 1 year old kid instantly, and at the very same time, a full time student. Yet, daily tasks were fulfilling- I have mastered child rearing and earned a PhD in Husbandry at my own right. Besides, I even had the ample time to swot up my lessons in Law school except when my awesome kid is supercharged and won't let me do anything but to look after him. Nevertheless, this was the time of the year when I had all the glories to mesmerize the world to make all things worthy and perhaps put all things into places.

FEBRUARY was made to ease all the burdens in life, maybe. I was receiving offers from various target jobs; however, none of them was tenable enough to fit in my ideal kind of job- and that’s the gruelling part. Seven, all of them, I considered trash. Besides, I was enjoying my Husbandry and schooling at the same time at that. In other words, I succumbed from employment and rather jacked up my energy for family stuffs without of course, sacrificing my Law school.

Election period officially kicked- off in MARCH and I sensed gold and silvers knocking on my purse. I was offered left and right to do speechwriting jobs for politicians- oh and I loved the idea of accepted wisdom for someone’s mind, whose suppose to be the leader later on. Here comes jingle writing for campaign sorties too! I did about four or five jingles and all of them were a click. If only I record those by myself, I could have been ten times richer, at least for the month of March, alone.

Lenten season fall on APRIL and final exams in Law School came sooner than normal- this simply meant vacation after a gruelling mental torture. As always expected, daily tasks have become abnormal. I had to take doses of energy to cope up with my work and studies. I did not want to fail in school and at the same time lose my job. However, I have to loosen my grip from one of them. In other words, I fall short to one of my subjects. That was okay; anyway I was never in a hurry to finish Law school. Then came the sweetest part of the summer- a holiday escape in Aurora province. That was seven days of adventure and island hopping in the beautiful Pacific Ocean with my wife and one year old kid.

MAY God bless all the politicians who shelled out tons of gold to make sure they got their needed votes to get their coveted seats and achieve their personal interests. Excuse me, but almost all were into vote buying especially the week before the elections. They even had a second wave of doing the same a day before the 14^th of May. Not being a numskull to say so, I too, had a taste of it. Now, if you ask where did the bread and rotten butter go? It drunk at least twenty stupid persons who later on lambasted my dirty kitchen with pukes all over the floor, besides, I did not want to let it pass through my throat, though.

The month of JUNE is a very peculiar period of the year to tell. For one, I was excited to enrol as a second year in my Llb course. Secondly, I had an interview for an item job which I felt would pass on my taste- only to find out later on that I had to go back to my previous job (sigh). I called that fate as if the same had played on me for six months and put my patience on a long term test. On the other hand, going back to school was exciting. Of course, I get to see my classmates again and let the competition begin (among them, as far as I am concerned) which am not a part of it. I can never compete because it’s a personal choice. Notably, I was justified by one of the professors who said later on: “Lahat naman kayo magiging abugado, ‘di nga lang sabay- sabay.” Evidently, the line sounded funny as most of the members of the class burst into laughter. However, they might have missed a point in their interpretation of the punch line which I can only tell perhaps two or three or maybe four years from now. Watch out for it.

JULY was a month of dissent or a season for the “envious hearted”, I must say. This is so, because I have become the subject of such when I was given the opportunity to take a subject whom the Dean in school thought that I would be able to cope up with. The sad part of it, the issue has become the talk of the class. However, I maintained my silence and kept my feelings. Instead, I have tried my finest edge to keep my relationship with the “brightest brains” in school. I have held in reserve that way though I knew that someone out there was dying to drop me off and put me in shame. I passed the subject though even if my card was marked with “W”- that won’t reflect in my transcript anyway and even if so, it’s not an impediment to take the Bar someday. I could have premeditated a sweet revenge to that person, only if he or she had surfaced. Since that was the case, I have cursed him/her rather to become an ugly chimp and will never pass the Bar. Nevertheless, I hope God had forgiven me for cursing a person.

Torrent rains came early in AUGUST. It’s one of my favourite times of the year where I would occasionally go back to my childhood days of literally bathing in the rain with splendid feelings. This is the time when I also have a special bonding with my American Pit Bulldog Maximus where we both walk together under the rain. Nothing more notable for this month, except the numerous annotations from international media and other communities on PNoy’s SONA (delivered in July) which was conveyed in Filipino. However it may be, I gave my five star rating though he was not my choice, personally.

There were two reasons to be happy in SEPTEMBER. First, it’s my birth month. It was my last day in the calendar and I was reminded of my friends who never marry after turning 31^st. Anent, I was thankful enough that at the age of 31, I have a beautiful wife, an awesome kid, and a shelter I call home. Those are the possessions I call blessings or God sent maybe. Besides, I have had milestones at this age which I thought it was impossible. But just like Hova said to Zoc in the animated movie Ant Bully, the word impossible is not in the vocabulary of a wise man. In that case, I could have been unknowingly wise in my own right, I was not only aware. The second raison de etre was a surprise gift from a relative abroad. Two days after celebrating my birthday, I got my Windows 7 Intel Atom 2GB RAM authentic net book. Ah, what a gift for a good boy!

Cold breeze was felt in OCTOBER as the wind goes gusty and unforgiving. Final exams in Law school came near and cramming was felt, again. It’s high time to have quality time with red hardbound devils and the yellow mischievous sprite- textbooks, reviewers, and notes here and there. It’s another great tribulation, the third time to be exact. It made me smile though, ‘coz another semester will be over. The next thing happened: semestral break which meant booze and plenty of booze with the think tanks of Law school. At the other side of the fence, the 31^st of this month was the official founding of Vinculum Juris (though it was crafted by the great minds in October 17^th). Officially, the brotherhood was introduced on this month.

In NOVEMBER, Vinculum Juris became an energetic expression between me and my friends in school. Original members of the group signified the tenacity of the legal tie, which is thus likened to a tether of steel. For even the members of our families were made aware of the hood.  In a short span of time after the conception of the group, our creed was crafted as: “Once a person becomes a Vinculum Juris, he ceased to belong completely to himself.” Therefore, November was a milestone in pursuit of the legal profession for us who believed in strong relationships among students. I for one am hoping someday that the brotherhood will be embraced by the next generations of students who will have an interest in the legal pro.

Lastly, DECEMBER 2010 was another extraordinary month to remember. My kid celebrated his 2^nd birthday and it was done according to my fervent wishes- to make kids happy and feel the love brought by Christmas. A simple merriment was held in our little home while a gift giving activity followed, though the two occasions was done on different venues. It felt good to share which I even wished that next year, I hope, my son would be able to join me for another gift giving so that when he grow old, he would realize that meagreness is not an impediment to make people smile.

Before I finish, 2011 will be another pound for pound challenger for me. Yet, I am prepared to launch another fight plan to overcome my opponent. Besides, I had all the grandeur any time of year, only when I keep my grip and never lose speed downhill.


I never succumbed from the blows of 2010... And you bet, I’m ready to throw another TKO.

GIVING. The author enjoys gift giving activity in celebration of his child's birthday. Lagangilang, Abra. 2010

LEX DISCIPULO. The author bashing his favorite book and idol former Supreme Court of the Philippines Chief Justice Cesar Bengzon. 2011

                                                                                                                              

Round one... Fight!

Heaven and Earth. The family of the writer,  Monching and wife She. 2011

The Walrus. 2011

Three days ago, the feeling was deep and nostalgia.

I was going through my "things". Then I found it difficult for me to hoist my stuffs. Notes, books, booklets, pens in different variance, yellow pads, etc. With one less stroke, three folds purpose, or if I may say an argument has come across the tip of my mind. Family, work, and studies. The three most significant courses I have to take-- whether I like it or not. In a wink, i have to scramble and find my most adorable pen. Begin and write.

FAMILY- Two years, five months, and two days ago, I was single, yet a day after- the knot will be tied-- forever. That day, I was sentenced to life. Judgment promulgated by the parish priest. I couldn't believe it until I was finally confided in through the best correctional facility in the universe, the Family home. The feeling was somewhat religious. Later on, it went on like a dashing treasure I have to keep all my life. It was an awesome privilege to have my own. I loved it more than any married man does. Besides, 2 years more then I'll be off the calendar. What more can I ask for? A job- at least one that will sustain my family needs.

WORK - I was having a great big time job in the corporate world with all the perks, incentives, allowances, and heavenly basic pay an employee could dream of until I found my way home in my province. It took me several months to realize that Makati is not Ilocos and the other way around. Later on, I have learned to appreciate the meager income which was only equivalent to the monthly tax deducted from my pay before. However it may be, life was simple and I was justified.

Unlike my previous job, I came down to a level which I call a "frontier." Both physical and mental soundness were under attack. Field work was never easy. It required tens of thousands of patience everyday just to get the job well done. I never get used to it. The worst, I have never done it. But I was looking for a job, at the very least-- that was a job, as they called it. Never mind the scorching heat and its effects on my skin. Cancer is less susceptible for a brown-colored slave of the field, I thought.

Five months in a row, I was exposed to the job. Little did I know that manna from heaven was on deck, ready to be poured in. All I had to do was to fill my sack and all that has to be filled in including my side and back pockets. Obviously, all the destitution and adversity of going through the first few months of my job was tossed in the wind. Luckily, Tom has found Jerry. It felt good. It was like winning a war over a ten thousand times. At last, I can wake up during weekends again, this time with my wife and kid with the best breakfast a typical Filipino family could have on their table.

Family and work. Work and family was the usual routine except for the few special moments I had with my American Pit Bull dog Max or few chosen friends whenever we had common time. Then I would have my own share of intoxication too, often times when the booze missed me too much.
STUDIES- After years of struggling from college, enrolling another degree has never crossed my mind. One could not understand why it took me long to finish my Communication degree, while another one would appreciate how I persevered the toughness of going through it. However, that's another story to tell. I was clever, as one of my professors used to tell. But I would never believe her until the day I graduated from college simply because I was one of those souls who never dreamed of being taught the way I should, except for some few things I could readily emancipate without being told. In short, I could be that person worth emulating without boasting my own weaponry.

Yet I had this trance since I was in the secondary. I adored much of those books written by John Grisham and adored the most of the character of Jake Brigance-- much more to Lucien who was the mentor of the former in his book "A Time to Kill". Then on, I became fascinated of the word "Law"- so much that I had to search for more novels by Grisham. Then I read his bestselling "The Firm", what came next to my young mind is to become a disciple of Law, at least, if not a Lawyer. Two years later, I was firm that I wanted the latter.

Came the season when a crucial decision has to be chosen carefully; whether to study or focus on my job and family instead, considering the needs of my kid as he grows- so does his wants. But then the call of pursuing such profession has been embedded in my heart. Not because of Brigance or Lucien, neither Grisham, but because I wanted it with conviction. I wanted it to be a part of my weaponry. I wanted it to make my family more proud of me- a lawyer husband to my wife  and dad to my kid, of course, in the future. At the very most, I sought to become the best out of me at my own expense.

Over a year now since I decided to study law, I have been one of those who dramatically made it in the second year. Eventually, during the first year, some did not survive the pressure right after the semester. If I remember it right, some even failed to survive the wrath even before the semester ended- it's a sad story to narrate. I could have been one of those, however, I fought for the sun not to go down upon my wrath. I became one of the fighters, regardless of inert competition- simply because it was what was supposed to be. Motionless, static- nobody's the best. Everyone has its own damn ammo to fire shot each of its enemies, at least in class.

It did not matter when I did not satisfy my professor's questions during recitations. What mattered to me was finding out the right answer on my textbook every after class. It did not even matter when my scores were meager on my exams. I have always been proud of it. Every ink from my pen marked in my booklets  were proudly a product of my own, not from anybody's paper- not from anyone's mind or any hoax or deception. I defended my answer, may it be right or wrong. There's no such thing as the latter. Socrates and Plato proved in countless times that neither one of them was wrong with their own views.

I have also learned the trade of law school scholarly. Many of them are qualified to be included as disciples of such but many of them too were made of synthetic that can make a scuff anytime soon they find a threat in you. They must be too young for the business- camaraderie is often times as artificial as contact lenses- interchangeable and disposable. Trying to be independent is like putting one’s self on a pit six feet below the ground. Like Axle Rose sings, "everybody needs somebody, everybody needs someone...You're not the only one!" However, few of them understood. Yet, I have become responsible forever for what I started. I can always make red out of orange and yellow.

There are instances when I would lament towards my chosen career. But that's only when I tend to forget that I have long been expelled the word "regret" from my vocabulary. For one, to regret must be the most worst word ever constructed by the linguist who interpreted it- I found it futile and it has no space on my shell. I can't stand staring at the four corners of my room and feeling apologetic to myself. I have always been more on believing in beauty and abundance instead of painfully nursing my failures 'til I get over acting and the worst suicidal. Many times, I would laugh at myself before I'd start to cry.

To sum it all, I might have had enough on my armoury, however, I have yet to fill in my reserves. Next week, the sun may rise from west and will settle on the east and I've got to brace up for that particular abnormality. When that comes, I should be equipped.

I never dreamed of being on top but I've always saw myself adorned with success. I have my family and my job now...coming soon will be a roll number.

You bet, I'm ready to throw a TKO.