Round one... Fight!

Heaven and Earth. The family of the writer,  Monching and wife She. 2011

The Walrus. 2011

Three days ago, the feeling was deep and nostalgia.

I was going through my "things". Then I found it difficult for me to hoist my stuffs. Notes, books, booklets, pens in different variance, yellow pads, etc. With one less stroke, three folds purpose, or if I may say an argument has come across the tip of my mind. Family, work, and studies. The three most significant courses I have to take-- whether I like it or not. In a wink, i have to scramble and find my most adorable pen. Begin and write.

FAMILY- Two years, five months, and two days ago, I was single, yet a day after- the knot will be tied-- forever. That day, I was sentenced to life. Judgment promulgated by the parish priest. I couldn't believe it until I was finally confided in through the best correctional facility in the universe, the Family home. The feeling was somewhat religious. Later on, it went on like a dashing treasure I have to keep all my life. It was an awesome privilege to have my own. I loved it more than any married man does. Besides, 2 years more then I'll be off the calendar. What more can I ask for? A job- at least one that will sustain my family needs.

WORK - I was having a great big time job in the corporate world with all the perks, incentives, allowances, and heavenly basic pay an employee could dream of until I found my way home in my province. It took me several months to realize that Makati is not Ilocos and the other way around. Later on, I have learned to appreciate the meager income which was only equivalent to the monthly tax deducted from my pay before. However it may be, life was simple and I was justified.

Unlike my previous job, I came down to a level which I call a "frontier." Both physical and mental soundness were under attack. Field work was never easy. It required tens of thousands of patience everyday just to get the job well done. I never get used to it. The worst, I have never done it. But I was looking for a job, at the very least-- that was a job, as they called it. Never mind the scorching heat and its effects on my skin. Cancer is less susceptible for a brown-colored slave of the field, I thought.

Five months in a row, I was exposed to the job. Little did I know that manna from heaven was on deck, ready to be poured in. All I had to do was to fill my sack and all that has to be filled in including my side and back pockets. Obviously, all the destitution and adversity of going through the first few months of my job was tossed in the wind. Luckily, Tom has found Jerry. It felt good. It was like winning a war over a ten thousand times. At last, I can wake up during weekends again, this time with my wife and kid with the best breakfast a typical Filipino family could have on their table.

Family and work. Work and family was the usual routine except for the few special moments I had with my American Pit Bull dog Max or few chosen friends whenever we had common time. Then I would have my own share of intoxication too, often times when the booze missed me too much.
STUDIES- After years of struggling from college, enrolling another degree has never crossed my mind. One could not understand why it took me long to finish my Communication degree, while another one would appreciate how I persevered the toughness of going through it. However, that's another story to tell. I was clever, as one of my professors used to tell. But I would never believe her until the day I graduated from college simply because I was one of those souls who never dreamed of being taught the way I should, except for some few things I could readily emancipate without being told. In short, I could be that person worth emulating without boasting my own weaponry.

Yet I had this trance since I was in the secondary. I adored much of those books written by John Grisham and adored the most of the character of Jake Brigance-- much more to Lucien who was the mentor of the former in his book "A Time to Kill". Then on, I became fascinated of the word "Law"- so much that I had to search for more novels by Grisham. Then I read his bestselling "The Firm", what came next to my young mind is to become a disciple of Law, at least, if not a Lawyer. Two years later, I was firm that I wanted the latter.

Came the season when a crucial decision has to be chosen carefully; whether to study or focus on my job and family instead, considering the needs of my kid as he grows- so does his wants. But then the call of pursuing such profession has been embedded in my heart. Not because of Brigance or Lucien, neither Grisham, but because I wanted it with conviction. I wanted it to be a part of my weaponry. I wanted it to make my family more proud of me- a lawyer husband to my wife  and dad to my kid, of course, in the future. At the very most, I sought to become the best out of me at my own expense.

Over a year now since I decided to study law, I have been one of those who dramatically made it in the second year. Eventually, during the first year, some did not survive the pressure right after the semester. If I remember it right, some even failed to survive the wrath even before the semester ended- it's a sad story to narrate. I could have been one of those, however, I fought for the sun not to go down upon my wrath. I became one of the fighters, regardless of inert competition- simply because it was what was supposed to be. Motionless, static- nobody's the best. Everyone has its own damn ammo to fire shot each of its enemies, at least in class.

It did not matter when I did not satisfy my professor's questions during recitations. What mattered to me was finding out the right answer on my textbook every after class. It did not even matter when my scores were meager on my exams. I have always been proud of it. Every ink from my pen marked in my booklets  were proudly a product of my own, not from anybody's paper- not from anyone's mind or any hoax or deception. I defended my answer, may it be right or wrong. There's no such thing as the latter. Socrates and Plato proved in countless times that neither one of them was wrong with their own views.

I have also learned the trade of law school scholarly. Many of them are qualified to be included as disciples of such but many of them too were made of synthetic that can make a scuff anytime soon they find a threat in you. They must be too young for the business- camaraderie is often times as artificial as contact lenses- interchangeable and disposable. Trying to be independent is like putting one’s self on a pit six feet below the ground. Like Axle Rose sings, "everybody needs somebody, everybody needs someone...You're not the only one!" However, few of them understood. Yet, I have become responsible forever for what I started. I can always make red out of orange and yellow.

There are instances when I would lament towards my chosen career. But that's only when I tend to forget that I have long been expelled the word "regret" from my vocabulary. For one, to regret must be the most worst word ever constructed by the linguist who interpreted it- I found it futile and it has no space on my shell. I can't stand staring at the four corners of my room and feeling apologetic to myself. I have always been more on believing in beauty and abundance instead of painfully nursing my failures 'til I get over acting and the worst suicidal. Many times, I would laugh at myself before I'd start to cry.

To sum it all, I might have had enough on my armoury, however, I have yet to fill in my reserves. Next week, the sun may rise from west and will settle on the east and I've got to brace up for that particular abnormality. When that comes, I should be equipped.

I never dreamed of being on top but I've always saw myself adorned with success. I have my family and my job now...coming soon will be a roll number.

You bet, I'm ready to throw a TKO.